How To Impress Yoour Girlfriend
Click HERE
Characteristics of the wilderness south of palestine. To
do? Thou shouldst not jest with us. How can tenfaced, producing
from his body numerous warriors reflecting also on the splendour
and prosperity or when the hour is over for setting the
dishes.1335.
Victoria Telfer
English 208: Reading & Writing Creative Nonfiction
Critique of “With our help you can easily break all borders between you and your bed success”
Dear Kounovsky Couvillion,
I really enjoyed your essay, “With our help you can easily break all borders between you and your bed success.” It was a quick read, nicely punctuated, and the rhythm of your sentences was varied enough to keep the essay moving forward. The old-fashioned diction especially intrigued me. Phrases like “Thou shouldst not jest” and “numerous warriors” gave the essay a timeless feel, almost as though you are writing from the perspective of a Medieval monk – or perhaps a futuristic writer who is attempting to use the diction of a past time. It messed with my head, chronologically-speaking, and I loved it.
My main problem with the essay is the ending. “1335″ seemed predictable, almost telegraphed. Your essay is wonderfully absurdist and risky, playing with the boundaries of language and meaning and human comprehension, but the numerical ending seems to push the absurdity and surrealism to a level that isn’t beneficial for the reader. I almost wanted to see some strict realism at the end of this essay; a really punchy, down-to-earth, surprising conclusion; something that makes me question the whole notion of reality in your piece.
Another criticism, albeit more minor, is that while the essay focuses a lot of concepts of war and masculinity (“palestine,” “tenfaced,” “warriors”), the essay begins by presenting us with an archetype of typical Western femininity (“Girlfriend”). However, this archetype is soon abandoned as you focus on the men, and you don’t pick it up again until near the end, when you state “setting the dishes” (beautifully-written sentence, by the way – I underlined it twice). I would like to see this idea of Western femininity as cloying, domestic, and even a form of imprisonment (“dishes” as sharp contrast to the wild freedom of the “warriors”) explored more. Given the quality of your writing and the force of your contributions in class, I have no doubt that you will find a way.
Overall, I loved this piece. It intrigued me, touched me poignantly, and left me questioning some of my most basic assumptions – including “does not your cock get up when is it necessary?” and “do you want to outlay less and to get anymore?” – questions that are vital to the human condition and the artist’s quest.
Best of luck on your revision.
Oh, Tori, you are the grizzled veteran of so many — too many? — workshops, and yet you comport yourself with such restraint. How do you do it? Feel like you let me off the hook. And am mildly grateful.
I think I just died a little. That was hilarious.